Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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