Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
