she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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