Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
