Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Someone shattered a urinal.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Vodka?
Forever.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
