I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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