I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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