How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
