umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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