Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I will be naked everywhere
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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