How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
