Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
