I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
