I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
