I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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