I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Randomize
