Who wears a wallet chain?!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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