ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize