i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
