I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
