Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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