It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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