Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize