Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
