So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My liver just broke up with me...
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
