You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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