After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
