my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize