I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
