Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
