Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize