fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
