nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
