Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
