Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
