Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
