You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
