Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
