i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
