there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
