That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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