Hey man sorry I got all grabby
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
