U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
