I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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