Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
