her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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