this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
