why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
that's an acceptable place to lick
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Sorry about my life...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
