remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
