Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
