and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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