Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
