ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
