You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
