i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
