I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
