he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
