hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
