I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
