please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize