Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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