can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
