Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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