Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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