I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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