he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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