I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
