very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
