i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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