I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
