You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
