dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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