i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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