Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
