Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
