Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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