I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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