I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
