Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
