What did we do last night that was yellow?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
