It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
